"The Rock"

Well today marks three months since Austin has been gone from Earth. Boy and do we miss him every day. There isn't a second that goes by that I don't think of him. Today my parents and I went to a funeral, yeah that isn't where I would of liked to be three months later. It was actually kind of weird because it brought back so many memories that day Austin was buried. But the weird thing is when the priest was talking he talked about a friend that had just passed away from throat cancer. How the chemo and radiatoin took away his voice. I thought to myself, "will I ever be away from Cancer?" It seems that I hear this words all the time when I thought they would be gone by now. I was telling my mom today how I think that when you are given the death penalty that you shouldn't be shocked to death but you should be injected with Neuroblastoma and then they will tell you that they are giving you Chemo to help but in realty you get it to feel the suffering from the toxins. It may sound cruel but then they truley would know what suffering was like and we would know what the end would be like, Neuroblastoma kills. As you can see Cancer makes me angry!!!

This blog is titled "the rock" because there is a story about it. LOL I started to clean out things from Austin and yeah it was hard but I found some humor in it. I cleaned out a diaper bag that we used and in it I found two river rocks. I started laughing when I found them because I can see him putting them in there. He got them from Nannie and Pop's house and was known for going outside and bringing in the rocks. I guess he decided he was going to take some home with him. I thought it was ironic that he put two in there. yeah the first thing most would think one for each hand but my mind thought one for Jason and one for me. So now we each have a rock picked out by Austin. He loved rocks. Nannie has put some of these rocks he would bring in on his grave. I never look at river rocks without thinking of Austin.

Tonight we ate hamburgers for dinner and all I could think of was how Austin would of loved to eat his with the buns only please. LOL Every where I go and everything I do I always think about if Austin would of like it or not. Some times it makes me laugh and some times it makes me cry, heck sometimes it makes me angry. All and all it doesn't change it, he is gone. I know he is gone some times I just want to pretend it was all a bad dream and he really is here. How I would love to hold him once more, to hear him laugh, to see him blow his kisses or wave good bye. To hear him tell the dogs "get" or "go". To have him do his captin feathersword "arggg", to sing his Wiggle songs "fruit salad", to hear him call his dogs "mo" and "AE" (Gizmo and Abby), to hear him say "no" and see him shake his head no with it. Man there are so many things I miss and I wish I could just have him back to see them all again. I miss my Austin. Life is just not the same without him and it never will be.

Elizabeth