Austin's Gift....

Every day that goes by I cry tears of saddness that Austin is not here. My arms are empty and my heart is broken. I look at pictures of him and think, why did he have to go so soon. He gave us such joy that we will cherish always. Some days it feels like yesterday he was here and others it feels like he has been gone for eternity. Sometimes I have to remind myself that he did once live here on earth and now he lives in our hearts. I got an email today from a friend who's co worker participated in a bike ride in memory of Austin. One of her team mates was very touched by Austin and he didn't even know him. It amazes me on how Austin has touched so many people in so many ways. Austin has taught us more in two years then in a life time. I wanted to share what my friend sent me.

”Because of Austin, I find it easier to ride when it is hard to pedal”
Kurt Steuck -TNT Alumni

Austin's Gift I joined Team in Training because of my son, Kyle, who is doing well after a battle with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He went through chemo, radiation, and a stem cell transplant (May 2002). He has been involved in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in Austin, TX, and in Seattle, WA, while working on his master's degree in engineering. During the past three months of training, we've had several Honored Heroes and Mission Moments. None have affected me the way Austin does. I use the word "does," because he still does. This is Austin's Gift to me.

This began on Saturday, April 7, a cold, windy, rainy day. The TNT Team was going to ride in relatively flat land southeast of San Antonio. In our pre-ride talk, one of the LLS staff read the Mission Moment about Austin. I was trying to focus on it, but the rain and cold kept distracting me. And then I heard the words that he wasn't doing well and he might not make it through the weekend. When I heard those words, an intense cold wave went through my entire body starting in my chest and working out. I haven't felt anything like that in a long time. It was not due to the weather. It was due to the words I had just heard. He might not make it through the weekend.

While we were riding, the weather turned worse. There was a 30 degree wind chill that day. We were miserable. Only 12 riders finished 45 miles of the intended 60 miles. The others did not finish. During the worse parts of the ride, I thought about Austin. I realized that as miserable as I was, I would be warm and dry in a few hours. Thinking about him made it easier to keep pedaling.

The second time Austin affected me is when we received the email with his picture in it. Three things struck me about that picture. One, because it was from the back, I never saw his face. I would never know Austin. I had been thinking about him, but would not know him. The second thing about the picture was the costume. To me, it didn't stand for superman strength and courage. Instead, it symbolized the gaiety of childhood, that unbridled giggling and squealing children are famous for. It reminded me of what a childhood should be like. The third symbol in the picture, though, was his lack of hair. This symbolized the grim reality too many children and adults face. It was hard for me when I thought about that. It reminded me of why I joined TNT.

Then I read the description of Austin's last moments. That's when I lost it. That's when I broke down. That's when I knew: I ride for Austin.