All too soon....

Okay, where to begin. For Austin's birthday we had a CT done of his neck, chest and pelvis. They came in and gave him a cake presents and sang Happy Birthday to him after he got back from the scan. Then a little while later Dr. Grimley and Delores (our favorite nurse from clinic) came in. He leaned his body against the sink and said "we found something" and then just starred and looked at me. I knew right then what he ment. I then replied, "the cancer is back". He said "yes, very bad too". From the report of the CT scan they said the cancer was everywhere. It was even in his spine which is the reason he can not walk. I broke down and cried and then asked."what do we do?". Dr. Grimley responded with "nothing, the cancer is too aggressive." We have asked how much time we have with Austin but they have only told us a while. I think Austin has shocked all of Methodist Children's with this news. I thought that a CT scan for his birthday was bad but this has to be the worst present ever. Grimley said " I didn't want to have to give you this news today but didn't think I could keep it from you." I agreed. We needed to know. Austin is comfortable now. He has a morphine drip going at all times. He mostly sleeps and is still eating and today he finally decided to drink his milk. I have said in the past blog that writing about Austin's relapse was the hardest blog to write, but I was wrong. A blog telling your readers that your son went from a newly transplant patient in remission to relapse number three has to be the worst.

I am still numb and don't understand it all but I am trying to be strong for Austin's sake. All though it seems Austin is trying to be there for me. I cried my heart out when I heard the news and he just looked at me like "mommy it's going to be alright". Jason and I have decided to stay at the hospital until it happens as I don't think I could deal with this at home. We have many family members and friends that have come up to show their support and we are very greatful that we have them with us to end this journey. A long journey I must say but all to soon.

The staff here at Methodist has been wonderful to us with accomidating us in every way. They have turned the care back over to Dr. Patel who will keep Austin comfortable to the very end. They have not given us a real time frame as to when he will go but Patel has said today that he wants us here at the hospital with our "family" (the Methodist family) here. I agree on this, as the hospital has become our second home. I will keep everyone update on his journey to the end and do appoligiez for getting this blog to you so late but I honesty didn't know if I could write this. We needed to let our family get the news from us and not from the computer. Thank you for the continued prayers and support as we couldn't of gotten where we are today without each and everyone of you. I feel the end is near and my heart is broken and know Austin will carry that piece with him. I have asked him to wait for me on the other side and then we can do all the things we never got to do together. He will then be free of pain and cancer and can be the normal little boy I have always prayed and hoped for.

I want to end with a poem that our Neuroblastoma friend Cooper's Mom feels reminds her of Austin.

Elizabeth

Hope -Jarred Meteau


A seed floating in the wind with no direction
Slowly fading away, it has no protection
Lands on the bank but sees no reflection
A choice must be made, life's intersection

Grow into a tree or fade into the past
Soar like an eagle, this spring may be it's last
A decision must be made before the dead of night
Is it time to lie down and die, or is it time to fight

It made the right choice and decided to grow
But wasn't its choice to make, of this it did not know
Already determined the seed would never be a tree
It dreams of a better life but hope is all it will ever be